Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to say good-bye, to recognize the end of a chapter so you can make room for a new one. It’s not always pretty; sometimes it’s pretty messy. I think we hold on to the past because we are afraid that if we let it go we will never get it back, and what if the future isn’t what we want? We hold onto ideas long past the time we have outgrown them. We cling to beliefs even when they no longer serve us

It is human nature to fear the unknown, the absence of everything you once loved. We question everything, even our sanity, trusting ourselves to be strong enough, brave enough to face an unknown obstacle, an unknown force. But therein lies the risk; nothing changes without sacrifice and a little bit of pressure. So we choose the unknown even if we fear it will lead us to our doom. So often it’s the fear of failure that holds us back. We pretend to be less then we are and deny our basic needs because we are comfortable, forgetting that if you pretend long enough you become the very thing you pretended to be

Learning to let go is one the hardest lessons one has to learn. It’s not about forgiveness, and it’s not always about letting go of something painful; the truth is, sometimes we just outgrow something. Yet, instead owning our growth and our change, we cling to fear: the fear of rejection, the fear that you will lose all that you gained. I often wonder when we learned that it wasn’t okay to change. I feel like as kids we did this so easily. I can’t help but wonder what happened to make us fearful; when did we start holding on so tightly?

For me, one of the hardest moments when I just had to let go was accepting that I wanted to be more than a newborn and motherhood photographer. In order to do that I had let that part of myself go; yet I couldn’t bring myself to make the decision. I kept holding on to this idea of the career that I wanted so many years ago; a career I had built with my own flesh, blood and tears. How could I change my mind now, after all my hard work? How could I let something go that was so precious to me?

Slowly, I began to realize that it wasn’t about endings and saying good-bye to something I had built, but about giving myself permission to step away from the person I used to be: the young girl who fell in love with the idea of being a motherhood and newborn photographer. The thing is, when you do something for so long and with such dedication, you start to invest a little bit of your identity into that task.

I am more than just a newborn and motherhood photographer, and I needed to step away so that I could let go of the idea of being only that. By learning to let go, I was accepting the person I was becoming and embracing change. This wasn’t about saying good-bye, it was about being afraid to say hello.

I fear the unknown as much as the next human, but my heart has changed; I am no longer the artist I was before. I am not even the same person, and so change is inevitable. Change keeps us alive, and with change we evolve. For me, that means separating my two loves, and giving myself permission to move past what has been so that I can become something new. This isn’t a goodbye, but rather a new chapter. It’s time to let go, and to allow myself to freefall into the unknown.

I want to ask you: what changes have you been avoiding? What decisions have you let fear guide you through, leaving you afraid to listen to your heart?

For me, that was decision to dissolve my original business, Yanninia Marie Photography, so I can pursue a new adventure. I am not sure if I’ll ever stop photographing motherhood, but I know that it is not my sole purpose anymore. This change isn’t about quitting being a newborn and motherhood photographer, but rather about starting a journey and allowing myself the freedom to explore something new. I want to explore what it means to be human, raw and with no filters. I am choosing a new path; one that I hope you will join me on.

If you fell in love with my nature work and original cyanotypes, you can continue to see all of my beautiful nature-based cyanotypes by following me on my new Instagram account @wanderingspirtit_nature. Also this blog will be dedicated solely to Wandering Spirit, if a few day I will launching an official newsletter so be sure to subscribe to that also. In the meantime, I want to make myself available for portrait commissions and embark on my last motherhood project: sensual honesty. I am looking for mothers who are brave and willing to come with me into the wilderness to create raw and unfiltered images of motherhood.

Over the next several months I will be slowly dissolving the original brand of Yanninia Marie Photography, and sharing with you the new direction of my work on both Instagram: @yanniniamaire and my Facebook page: Yanninia Marie Photography. You can choose to stay and follow me on this journey or take your leave. I have enjoyed working with all of you and sharing the quiet moments of motherhood, but it’s time for a change. It’s time for me to let go of the past and who I was so I can become who I want to be. During this time I will be liquidating many of my old works, and those that don’t find homes among you will be sent to permanent storage. Please don’t hesitate to message me if you any questions.

I’d also love to hear from you: what decisions have you been struggling with? What are you trying to let go of?

Join me later this week as for the first time I share with you the beginnings of the craziest decision I have ever made, and the adventure I will never forget: the crazy decision to camp for 16 weeks in the middle of winter to earn my degree.

Stay tuned. There so much I want to share with you.

With love,

Nina